Totally Quackers

Kansas City Trip Continued

By Linda Madrid


Our Kansas City trip continued after the Kansas City Royals’ ballgame, with a mad dash in the pouring rain to the car.  Now with the new rules of no backpacks or large purses, our rain ponchos and umbrellas were left in the car. (My daughter’s comment was “so what if it rains we will be in the dugout”. hmm…)  Needless to say, the ducks had no ill effects from the mad dash to the car in the pouring rain but the straw duck hat was toast.   I think my husband and daughter thought it was bad enough running around with a woman, with a duck on her hat, now it had become a droopy, frayed and smelly straw duck hat.  A new hat was in order so; off we went the next day to a downtown plaza.




The Plaza was a nice touristy area with lots of shops.  Junior and baby Quackers kept a sharp eye out for Ms. Quackers, while the rest of us focused on finding a reasonable straw hat.  We ran across a Fairy God Mothers coach on one of the side streets and the ducks insisted on a ride.  Pounding the pavement in search of… left all of us rather hungry, so a stop at the Cheesecake Factory was a must. (I got the biggest piece of cheesecake because I was sharing.)


We finally found straw hats in a Hall Mark Store (Not like any Hall Mark Store I had ever seen before, no cards, just lots of high priced fancy stuff.)  The second floor had hats, shoes, and purses, baby Quackers was testing out how he looked sitting on different hats, when I happened to look at the price $200.00 for a straw hat!!!  (No wonder the sales ladies were avoiding us and giving us strange looks.  At least they were not calling 911.) We did find a straw hat on the way out of the store in the bargain basement.  We paid twenty-five dollars, which is the most I have ever spent on a straw hat, ever. (Where is a Wal-Mart when you need one?)




Now, not wanting to lose sight of the main purpose for the ducks traveling, Junior and baby Quackers sought a reading from the resident palm reader.  Now, everyone knows that ducks do not have palms, so the fortune teller had to resort to the old marble egg reading trick.  The palm reader directed us to the Kansas City Stock Exchange.  The palm reader was certain we would not find Ms Quackers at the Exchange, but Junior and baby Quackers would find relatives there.


Junior met Jethro. (Notice the family resemblance) and baby Quackers met the Kansas City Quackers, Jedidiah and Josey Quackers.  


Johnny and I got into a lengthy discussion, (I could say hysterical discussion), on the genealogy of the Quackers.  My daughter, at first was shaking her head saying,” I can’t believe we are discussing the family history of stuffed ducks”.  In the end she decided it was better to humor insanity than try to reason with it and began to make suggestions of her own.  Since, I have been asked before how many Quackers there are, and how they are all related, I have decided I need to devote an article just to the genealogy of the Quackers. 


With the Quackers entourage in tow our tour of Kansas City continued.   Those of us that grew up watching TV shows such as “Wagon train”, “Raw hide”, “Gun Smoke”,  know that Kansas City was the gateway to the west and the ending destination of many a cattle drive.  (To bad one cannot get that kind of history lesson watching TV anymore.) Kansas City is noted for its beef; thus, the painted Cows instead of the painted Pigs of Cincinnati.       




We visited the Liberty Memorial. With a little huffing and puffing and the feeling of how did I get so old, we climbed steps to get a great view of the Kansas City Sky Line.  The view was worth the climb. 


Now as our day came to an end, we decided to treat our daughter and ourselves to a steak dinner. Our daughter told us the Hereford House was a great steak house and had great décor, with a statue of a Hereford.  I said, “Great I can get a picture of the ducks with the statue”.  “No” Both nearly shouted at the same time.  Their reasoning was, you can’t wear a duck hat into a fifty-dollar-a-plate restaurant. (I should have said “watch me”!)  Reason prevailed and Junior and Baby Q. and the hat stayed in the car.  As I was getting out of the car I made the statement, I can at least ask for a doggy bag for the ducks.  Again, my daughter informed me that one does not ask for a doggy bag in an establishment as fancy as this.  (Being straight- laced sure takes the fun out of life.)  


Throughout dinner I was the perfect lady.  Napkin in my lap not tucked in my collar, no elbows on the table, except with my after dinner coffee. (Without your elbows on the table, coffee, I am sure, would not taste the same.)  Emily Post would have been pleased (well!! maybe not).


The appearance of the check is the perfect time for the ladies to visit the powder room.  The power room was located at the entrance of the restaurant.  As I was leaving the power room, I heard a low voice say “mom”, then a little louder “mom,” As it finally registered I was the mom the voice was referring to, I was well out into the lobby. Christina by then is grabbing my arm, stomping the floor, and saying, “Mother”.   She did try to quickly pick up the toilet paper trail I seem to be dragging along with me. (Too late) I looked up and saw the maitre d’ laughing into his hand.


Now I ask you, wouldn’t wearing a duck on a hat be less humiliating than a toilet paper trail?  But then again, who’s to say; I could have been wearing a duck on my hat and, also, had a toilet paper trail.


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