News From Atlanta

Life in the Big House: Mooning the Neighbors

Hi Everyone

The thing I find most disturbing about this big house, besides the strange noises the house makes, is the lack of curtains or shade on some of the windows. The front entry with it’s all glass front door with side windows, a large picture window above the front door, and all the windows facing the back of the house, all have no curtains.  Now for most normal people this might not be a problem but as all of you who know me, I am far from normal.

 I must confess that I streak and have been streaking for thirty years.  This affliction only came over me after I was married and my husband and I moved in to our first house. (Thank goodness for that, can you imagine streaking to the laundry room of an apartment complex to retrieve one’s clean underwear.) 

Now in thirty years I have only been caught once. A four-year-old neighbor caught me. (Getting caught by one’s husbands doesn’t count it’s a bonus).  Before you streak you must calculate where everyone in the house is located, that is if one wants to keep one’s streaking in the closet. (This became harder over the years the more children I had)  A little boy who thought an unlocked front door was an invitation to come on in (he did not fit into my calculation). I never saw him I only heard a little voice say woops and the slamming of the front door as I made my dash to the laundry room. (Poor little guy, I hope he wasn’t scarred for life)

Picture this: sons in the basement family room playing play station, grandma in the kitchen-baking, husband in the garage puttering around. My calculations made I begin my dash from my bedroom to the laundry room. (Laundry room on the second floor near the bed rooms should have made for a safe streak)  Two steps out of the bedroom door I became very aware, as never before, of the open balcony and directly across a large second story picture window.  I could clearly see my neighbor’s son standing on the street waiting for a ride. I could see him could he see me?

Now I have discussed this affliction with close friends and know I am not a lone. One of the twins (The twins are two of my closest friends, one streaks, one doesn’t, so the affliction is not hereditary.) confessed even thought she had curtains, open or shut, didn’t matter to her, if the neighbors happen to be looking when she streaked they deserved to be mooned.  Adrianne (a friend who I worked with) told me when she moved into her new house, which had no curtains she would crawl across the floor so she would not moon the neighbors. (Where’s the thrill in crawling) At least Adrianne’s neighbors are probably still on speaking terms with her, I am not so sure about the twin’s neighbors.  I hope to stay on speaking terms with my neighbors but if they look at the wrong time they may get mooned. Thirty years of streaking is hard to give up and it is one way to get my heart rate up. 

I miss you all

PS   If you come to visit, ring the doorbell and count to ten before looking in the glass door or you may get mooned.