Totally Quackers  

By Linda Madrid


       Junior and Baby Quackers were back on the trail of the elusive Ms Quackers over Memorial Day weekend.  Since it was a holiday weekend, Junior and Baby Quackers decided it would be educational to take in a Royals baseball game. (There was a possibility that the fun loving Ms Quackers could take in a ballgame or two in her travels.)


     Christina, my daughter (the one who says she humors my insanity) was invited to take part in Dugout suite tickets. It turned out to be, for her father and I, one of the best combined Mother and Father’s Day present ever. 



        Junior and Baby Quackers had hoped to broaden their education where baseball was concerned; but the game was rained out before they got to see much baseball.  (We hope to get invited back next year. Hint… hint.)   Being at field level is sure different than the nose-bleed seats we usually can afford when attending a baseball game.  Being so close to the team’s dugout and the ball field, Junior and Baby Quackers were in hopes that they could learn to chaw, spit, blow your nose the manly way (with no tissue) and to scratch the body parts, your mother has always told you not to scratch in public.   Now maybe if the game had lasted longer we could have seen some of these wonderful sites; or, it could be that only the TV cameras can catch this well known baseball phenomenon.  When the game started, being so close to the field, we had to watch out for foul balls that could come our way and we missed any chawing, spiting and scratching (bummer no nose blowing either) the players may have demonstrated.   Junior and Baby Quackers did get to see some of the pre-game ritualistic torture.




       Christina forewarned the group about the ducks and, of course, her slightly off beat mom (or is it one short of a six pack mom).  Members of the group were quick to offer suggestions on where Junior and baby Quackers should sit to get the best view of the game.  The suggestion of them sitting on first base was ignored.  I am sure the person who made this suggestion was not aware that getting out on the field would get Junior and baby Quackers ejected from the game. (Hmm, I wonder.)    



      The best pre-game seat was discovered by Conner and his mom Jackie.  Conner manages to acquire a sliding glove and a major league baseball from this vantage point (No wonder Junior and baby Quackers decided to join Conner).




        With a little friendly heckling from Christina, we got to meet RC a member of the K.C.P.D. (Yes, folks there are policemen that do not look like they are a walking heart attack waiting to happen or a card carrying member of Dunkin Donuts.)  I do have, however, a limited experience with the police.   I have only been fingerprinted once.  (No, I was not caught streaking or mooning the neighbors.  I was applying for a teaching certificate in Ohio.)  The nice polite Deputy Sheriff, who took my fingerprints, could have doubled for Jacky Gleason in “Smokey and the Bandit”.  This one experience had stilted my picture of a policeman until now.    RC was one of the big hits of our pre-game show.  He was the one responsible for getting the great shot of Junior and Baby Quackers with the Royals scoreboard as backdrop. 


         RC’s quick wit and sense of humor enabled him to handle the troubling hecklers with ease (Christina, dear, I am sure mother has told you it’s not nice to heckle the nice policemen). Caught on film was one particular heckler in our group offering RC a beer.  (He is probably the same person that suggested Junior and baby sit on first base.)  RC, laughingly let the heckler know, he would be having his beer after the game. (With his figure, I am sure it was a light beer.)                      



        Now the second big hit if the pre-game show was Chuck Knoblauch coming by the dugout signing autographs.  This was Junior’s big chance to get up close to a real live major league baseball player.  Christina, the dutiful daughter that she is, did not disappoint Junior or me.  She elbowed her way to the front just so Junior could get his picture taken with Chuck Knoblauch. (I’m sure the member of the group she trampled in the process recovered nicely after a week’s bed rest.)



Chuck had several questions:

1. Who did the duck hat belong to? (I had to take my hat off because I was standing on the bleacher stile seats in the back of the dugout, taking pictures of Junior and Chuck.  I was smashing baby Quackers into the ceiling.)

2. Where did Junior get his stylish glasses?

(California of course)

3. How did we find out he, Chuck Knoblauch, collected rubber ducks? (Your secret is out now Chuck. You let the cat out of the bag or should I say duck out of the bag.)

In Junior’s book Chuck is a star no matter what his batting average.  



Baseball trivia question: Since the game was rained out, does the base hit that Chuck got count or not?



       Now Christina was back at the heckling again trying to get the umpire’s picture with the ducks. (A daughter any mother would be proud of.  Christina, dear, mother has told you it’s not nice to heckle the nice umpire, but please continue.)



      The umpire kept giving us what appeared to be the safe signal or it could have been the “No way Jose” sign.  Tragedy nearly struck when Christina sat Junior and baby up on the railing. The umpire appeared to be trying to blow the ducks off when the ground crew ran by. (It had started to rain and they were headed for the tarp.)  Junior took a tumble on to the field and was saved by one of the ground crew.



D     Down inside the dugout suite, there was a wonderful bartender that kept our glasses full- even if some of us were drinking water.  There was lots of food to eat and plenty to drink. Everyone was making trips into the dugout for refills.  Once when Christina headed into the dugout, I am sure I heard her say she was going into the dugout for a quickie.  Now being a loving and concerned parent I headed down right after her. (Everyone will be happy to hear, the member of the group that I trampled on my way into the dugout says the cast will be coming off in a couple of weeks.)   I found Christina at the desert table munching on a large chocolate chip Cookie.  In my state of relief (disappointment), I made the mistake of telling her what I thought she said.  She then proceeds to blab this to everyone including her father.  Whose perspective was, I only followed Christina because if a quickie happened to be something good, I would not want to miss out.  He also suggested if I wanted to know what a “quickie in the dugout” was I should ask Chuck Knoblauch. (Now, is there really such a thing and wouldn’t that make an interesting baseball trivia question?) 



      As they say in baseball you win some, you lose some, and some are rained out. Our baseball fun came to an end in the third inning, game called due to rain.   Only one last mishap, “Boys will be boys and ducks will be ducks” as they say.  RC apprehends Junior and baby Quackers trying to waddle onto the field (that’s a no… no).  I am sure they just wanted to take a dip in the puddle near first base.  RC let them off with a warning this time and they promise never to do it again.