Totally Quackers  

By Linda Madrid


          Junior and Baby Quackers most recently took a break from searching for Ms. Quackers to visit relatives and friends.  Junior got to have a long chat with Auntie Q.   We got to catch up on the latest Laboratory News (gossip).  Such as: the unwanted guest in Joyce’s office that was helping themselves to the M&Ms. Evidently, Joyce has not seen “The Green Mile”.  Joyce could have had a cute furry little creature that could run up and down her arm (doesn’t that thought just give you the shivers).  Instead the poor furry little creature got a steel neck tie party.  Junior recommends the new electronic method of getting rid of unwanted guest- a device that supposedly sends out some kind irritating sonic wave, that chases the furry creatures away (right over to your neighbor’s office is my guess).   I have used a similar method for years to make my kids disappear.  All I have to do is put on some Country Music and they soon vacate my space. (Rap Music has the same effect on me)  



        Junior got to plan some mischief with Sandy and Mimi while the boss was away.   Mimi, seen below, is wearing the duck hat, which is now Baby Quackers usual place to ride whenever we are out on our excursions.  Mimi was sharing secrets with Junior.  Junior is a hopeless gossip and has never been able to keep a secret in his short little life.  The juicy tidbit has to do with the person who was notably absent. (Notice the messy desk of said person. Totally Quackers readers want to know: Is a messy desk a sign of an organized mined; or is a mind a terrible thing to lose?)



(Remember Pam, we only tease the ones we like or the one that wasn't there to defend herself.  The staff of E.M.T.G. is not responsible for the contents of this article.)


          Junior wants to share the deep dark secret that Pam has been trying to hide for years.  Pam is vertically challenged.  She tries to hide the affliction by wearing three inch heels to work. (No not those spike heels; but sensible looking shoes, which happen to have very high heels.)  I have had some experience with dealing with the dimensionally handicapped and am familiar with some of the challenges they face. (My daughter is only four feet, eleven inches tall and, at the age of twenty-four, she is not likely to get any taller.)    Sarah, with her short legs, on road trips is always the last one to the ladies room.  She complained bitterly that she was always getting stuck with the handicapped stall.  I never realized what a challenge this could be, until Sarah explained.  The stool in the handicapped stall is taller than normal thus causing Sarah to have to hop up and hop down.  While sitting, her feet dangle, never touching the floor, causing her feet to go to sleep. One can easily see how the handicapped stall can become a hazard to a dimensionally challenged   individual.  



       An inside source tells us that Pam has several pairs of platform shoes, hidden in her closet, that she wears on road trips. (Beau also says they are quite tasty to chew on).  Perhaps the heels that Pam wears to work are not for hiding her affliction but are instead safety shoes.  In her travels throughout the region, Pam never knows when she might encounter the dreaded handicapped stall


     Mary Ann made the suggestion as I was leaving, that my next article should be on Cincinnati.  So off I went with camera and ducks in hand to search for what represents (to me) some of Cincinnati.   First stop was Jungle Jims. 


       Jungle Jims was a fun place to shop; but watch out, I rarely make it out of the store without spending a hundred dollars.  Junior and baby Quackers got a kick out of the front of the store with the fountain and animals. 


     One of the first things you come to is the wine section.  I know absolutely nothing about wine. My method of choosing a bottle of wine is cute pictures on the label. I chose a bottle of wine once because it had a frog on the label.  Believe it or not, the wine turned out to be drinkable.  Apparently Dr. B. buys his wine at Jungle Jims by the case.  But whatever you do, do not take his advice on choosing a wine. I made that mistake and the wine was not drinkable.  I believe the label of his wine said “Cheap Red Wine”.    



        Baby got a kick out of the cigar Indian. In my opinion any man that smokes a cigar in public should be scalped.  When we were at the Masters tournament (next article to come) we were always down wind of some baldheaded man smoking a stinky cigar. Questions that come to mind: Does smoking cigars cause hair to fall out?  Can a baldheaded man be scalped?    


        On our first visit ever to jungle Jims, we spent an hour in the hot sauce isle alone. “Devils Brew”, “Hogs Breath” and “Mad Dog Liquid Fire” are some of the nicer labels. Labels like these aren’t encouraging to me; but be very careful if you do decide to sample the hot sauces.  I believe I accidentally sampled some ofBob’s Insanity Sauce”. (I haven’t been quite right since.)  



      One has to mention Montgomery Inn ribs and the flying pigs when talking about Cincinnati.  We can’t leave out Skyline chili, which in my opinion is an acquired taste.   (Mussels in Brussels revisited)


       Now our time for touring Cincinnati and taking pictures was coming to an end, I had taken off my duck hat and was getting ready to get out of the car.  (Our destination was The Wine Merchant).  Johnny made some comment about me not wearing the duck hat when it counted.  So back on my head went Baby Quackers.


       How we first discovered The Wine Merchant was by word of mouth.  Friends of ours, who never came to dinner without a bottle of great tasting wine, told us about The Wine Merchant.   We have been buying our wine there every since. 


       This trip was the first time we met Phil.   Phil commented that he thought my hat was cute. (Phil not only has good taste in wine but also in hats.)  We had a really nice visit and tasted and bought some great wine.   Phil is retired from Proctor & Gamble. Phil likes Opera and has been an extra in some of the Cincinnati Operas. The Quackers and I are looking forward to some future visits to Cincinnati where we can attend some opera.                 



      In the Search for Ms. Quackers with Junior and baby Quackers I have met some very interesting and nice people.  

  Two thoughts to leave you with:

“Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.”